Green– the Color of Peace and Harmony

As a newcomer to the country of Germany, during my second month, my mother believing I would be cold sent me a blanket to stay bundled. Since she had grown up in an underdeveloped nation she held the credence that the United States was a super-power and therefore no other nation could match or surpass the American level of comfort. Although it was a sweet gesture; she was not aware that Germany exports textiles and their well-made blankets, made locally, are expensive and made to last.

I was in for many twists and turns partaking in my new life. After making my bed with my blanket, I took the gift box and casually threw it into the dumpster, went back inside the apartment and within minutes there was a furious rapt on my door. A neighbor from the floor below spoke in a fast pace, never pausing to inhale, the nerve alongside his temple bulging, and although it was late morning, I began to notice the dank smell of alcohol on his breath. I had no idea what he was saying and shrugged my shoulders, saying, “ich kann nicht verstehen.” He looked at me sternly, and pointed toward the dumpster, “you mussen recycle!”

In Germany, Umweltsünden (Environmental Sins) are so rare that when a person commits one it often makes the local news. As a foreigner I made several small sins during my first year in the country– although none big enough to hit the press. The thought of my petty offense reminded me of being a youngster playing hiding-go-seek, I laid under my parents bed on the box spring was a warning tag that read if removed, the crime was punishable by law. Being a rebel, I ripped it off with an ear shattering tear waiting for the swarms of police to come knocking.

Germans have an almost religious zeal when it comes to recycling. Eventually, I learned how to sort rubbish. Boxes had to be broken down and I had multiple colored trash bins; one for cartons and paper, a second for plastics and metals, another for glass, such as olive oil or broken China and a fourth bin was for biodegradable items often used as a compost heap. Juice and water were bottled and purchased at a specialty beverage store, with a deposit fee or Pfand, that was added to their cost, when returned, it was refunded.

As I separated my items, I began to assimilate the importance of being aware of the atmosphere and its relationship to nature. I started to view throwing something away that otherwise might be recycled as ignorance. By integrating environmentally friendly values I bought recycled paper, took my own shopping bag to the grocery store; including my own egg carton to reuse, rode my bike, and ate local grown foods.

Twenty years have lapsed since that time and in the States some of these ideas are beginning to catch-on. Last week I was given a canvas shopping bag at Fresh and Easy; a start, but there is still a long way to go.

Some of the short-sighted environmental errors I see are a part of the American landscape, because we live in a time where thinking about the future and individuality are dying concepts.

Personally, I do not agree with Starbucks for being a major culprit of waste by using double cups and placing a lid on a drink. If I had my way, I'd ban SUV's for being gas guzzlers. And RV's would be stationary, converted into housing or shelters. Public lights should be on timers, not on 24/7. I could go on, citing infractions, but if more Americans thought of the environment as a moral and spiritual challenge, and did their part in becoming conscious to decrease waste disposed in landfills and incinerators we reduce greenhouse gas emissions, prevent waste, and by recycling we expand reuse and move the country in the direction of greater climate stability.  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WxgeYXCjM8 

Dog Days of Summer

Here at the edge of the Las Vegas Valley, you get to understand, and feel occasional snow flurries in the winter, the torrential autumn winds, and the rhythm of the fires in summer–it's like placing your head in a 450 degree oven for ten minutes and you'll get the idea.

As I drive from place to place, I recall part of the theme song, “…land spreading out so far and wide. Fresh air, town square, you are my wife, goodbye city life…” The city was like a ghost town, on Sunday afternoon I was driving home from the grocery store before the scorching peak of the heat hit, as I entered the gate, I spotted a Maltese-Poodle running down the street. He stopped, turned around, looked at me then turned his head from side to side as if he were lost. Instead of making a left, I drove slowly down the street looking at each house to see if a front door or side gate was open. Although I couldn’t imagine keeping a dog outdoors in the 110 degree heat, I called out to him and immediately he ran into my arms, looking bashful, wagging his tail. With rapid, frantic panting, I carried him to the car, poured cool bottled water into the palm of my hand and he slurped. Without tags or a collar we went from door to door trying to find his owner.

In the land of the lone cowboy, the only sign of life was the hum of A/C units. When a young woman drove by I called out with a burst of a bombshell, “Did you lose your dog?” “No, but I got a puppy a few weeks ago.” Michelle pulled over and after hearing the story asked if she could help. “A little food would be nice, since I was coming home from the grocery store.”

Rather than risk him getting heat stroke and my groceries melting I put him in the back seat. He kept looking in the same direction which indicated a familiar turf. But since no one had answered their doors, I took him home with me where he could cool off in comfort. “We have a visitor,” I announced. Steven who was in the kitchen stopped whatever he was fussing with and said, “Hey little fella.” I gave the dog a bowl of food and water and he drank looking at me as if the clouds parted and the gloom lifted. That’s when the choice of a name came to me. “I’m going to call him Lucky, because he’s lucky to be at our house.” Steven quickly surmised, “I think somebody’s going to miss him.” “He lives on the next street over, I’ll take him back later, for now he’s got a temporary sanctuary.” While I put away the groceries Lucky eyed me. Eating my lunch that Steven had prepared, the grizzled tiny blonde lay curled and pressed at my feet. I could understand why dogs have been heralded as man’s best friend. As I cleared the table, and washed the dishes with every step I took Lucky followed me.

I played fetch and chase with Lucky and noticed he dived in head first and everything he did was with flare, with spring in his step. I rubbed his tummy saying, “He’s a boy all right, though he’s calm and sweet, I think he’s older, since he hasn’t barked once.” “Wait until someone comes to the door” said Steven. I examined his teeth to gauge his age, measured and weighed him. Steven took his picture and he was startled by the flash, I held him to relieve any anxiety and wanted to brush, comb and bathe him since he was in dire need of grooming, but ruled it out since I didn’t know what products to use. His pink tongue was busy at my hand. After having a bad week and going through a rough patch, a gap was filled with an extraordinary little hairy faced creature that was only 16 inches long. I knew the way he looked at me that something was happening and thanked my lucky stars. As I sat at my computer writing his description he lay inches away from me, I could see how a small dog creates a good deal of emotional attachment.

Later, on my way to post fliers of Lucky’s description and photo, I saw a bright flier hanging from the main gate, that Michelle had written. In the distance where two women chatting, with two children, a boy between them and a little girl who was walking ahead preoccupied. When I asked the girl if she lost her dog, a big sigh of relief came over her. On the walk to my house to be reunited with their dog Einstein they told me he most likely had slipped out when their Dad left that day. I told them I had given their dog the name of Lucky. The little girl gave me a great big smile, “That’s the name I wanted to give him! We too found him in the street. But I lost the bet.”

Two hours later the kids and their Mom reappeared at my door with a yummy banana bundt cake glazed with walnuts. They reported that Einstein was happy to be back home with his furry companions–their other two dogs.

I called Michelle to tell her the news. She told me how kids that she had never met knocked on her door asking for eggs to bake a cake. I hung up thinking about the day; how each successive discovery was a joy and how very different individuals lives intersected through the mutual love of a dog.

Para mi Popi

It's May which means spring or Primavera is here, at least that's what I believed starting this journey. But the weather took a turn for the worse with two days of sun out of a possible ten, which meant wearing a trench coat, boots, and carrying an umbrella. Along with the rain was a dip in temperatures; in the fifties, and crowds; since Barcelona was playing in the final game of the season for the Spanish soccer cup. I have never seen so many people in my lifetime–it was like being at Disneyland in August. Lines everywhere, including a substantial wait; for the city bus, the metro, a cab, a museum exhibition, or a table at a restaurant. It was impossible to walk a straight line, you had to weave through the mob. It wore me out, and I got a miserable cold.


There hasn't been a single article of 'top city destinations' in the last decade that didn't include Barcelona somewhere near the top– and it was easy to see why. Thanks to the winding narrow streets of its Gothic Quarter, the mind-boggling Modernist architecture of Gaudi and its envious position wedged between forested mountains and a sweeping expanse of Mediterranean sea, Barcelona is lush, breezy and beautiful.


After the 1992 Olympic Games the city paved the way for tourists with a revamped marina which profited from the enviable status of coastal resort. So whether you enjoy buzzing around by the seafront sipping Sangria's, sunbathing on the beach, or prefer a drink at one of the Old Town's scenic plazas before taking-in world renowned architectural sites such as La Sagrada Familia, Casa Batllo or the Picasso Museum you'll find yourself falling in love with Barcelona. When evening falls, things get even more lively as the city's life-giving arteries, Las Ramblas, explodes with merry-makers keen to sample the city's legendary nightlife.


Last March, The LA Times ran a glowing article on Barcelona where it discussed its storied artistic history and mentioned some contemporary artists who are maintaining this rich tradition. One such man is Agustí Puig whose work was the inspiration for Penelope Cruz's character in Vicki Cristina Barcelona with his paintings featured in the movie.


But no building can define Barcelona like La Sagrada Familia. Originally built and designed over a hundred years ago by the city's most famous architect, Antoni Gaudí, it combines the style of neo-Gothic and modernism. Yet, the church has had its' share of controversy. Architect Josep Maria Subirach's minimalist interpretation of the façade brought complaints that it didn't adhere to what was left of Gaudí's original designs. In the book Homage to Catalonia, writer George Orwell said, "I think the Anarchists showed bad taste in not blowing it up when they had the chance.”


I think it's surprising that something incomplete should be the symbol of a city as massively complete as Barcelona is. But there lies the contrast. And contrast is a word which defines what you can find in the city extremely well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csXxqH6_UM8

I'm so lucky

In the summer of 2002 I got an invite to attend a book signing, it was being held at Sur La Table, in Pasadena and it coincided with Julia Child's 90th birthday, in the city where she was born. Although it is one of my favorite stores, and I too was born in the city, undergoing difficulties I declined and never looked back. Not until last weekend did I begin to wonder what would it have been like to have met the fluted voice of la Grand Dame de la cuisine.


I finally got around to seeing the film, Julie and Julia. The combination alone knocked my socks off; Meryl Streep, Amy Adams, Paris in the late 1940's, early 1950's and French cuisine. It can't get much better than that, except that I would have loved to be alive and in Paris during that era.


I loved watching the story go back and forth between the two women from different generations.


Julie Powell, wanted to write, but was stuck in a dead end secretarial job, and felt she hadn't accomplished anything with her life. By cooking all of Julia's recipes she comes to life as cooking becomes her salvation.


Julia who had been a secretary marries late and living in France, with her diplomat husband, wonders how to spend her days. She tries hat making, bridge, and then cooking lessons at Cordon Bleu. There she discovers her true passion.


This sunny story is not only a satisfying throw back to another time, but as we go back and forth between these stories of two women learning to cook that find success, you can't help but think of how lives are intertwined.


The story of two middle age woman cooking, while sympathetic, loving husbands support them both, may not sound that exciting but it's premise goes far beyond the ordinary, it's actually a tender love story about how much a woman can accomplish and her dreams come true because she is loved.


Someday, I'm going to try Julia Child's Beef Bourguignon. But for now, I have a nice piece of Dover sole awaiting me, which I will cook in gobs of butter creating sole meunieré, while thinking of Julia.


Bon Appetit.

What Was I Thinking?

I love clothes, always have, always will. My fashion education began before I stepped foot in school, by counting the number of dresses hanging in my closet; I had 17 and went to my father stating how important it was that I have 20, in my mind of rudimentary mathematics I knew adding to my closet was a must.


Fashion pars with my love of furniture and housewares but if I had to choose one, fashion would be the winner hands down. One of my current woes is that for the first time in my life I have no place to wear nice clothes, the kind that make you stand different, walk different, feel different.


In the last decade, I went from ABS evening gowns and strappy Charles David high heels while rubbing elbows with Placido Domingo at the opera, to saucy Nanette Lepore suits to lunch at the Four Seasons. When that ended, I had another incarnation donning Marc Jacobs sheath dresses for restaurant publicity events and Betsey Johnson cocktail dresses for the Master Chorale concerts. Then came desert life beating to another drum; the rhythm of Anthropologie tee-shirts and Hudson jeans paired with boots for a romp at Trader Joe's, a dash at the post office. I have had so many lives rolled into one.


For years my wardrobe held several categories; play, week-end wear, professional, and dressy, but now casual is the largest contender. Currently the only person who comments on my style or taste other than my husband is my friendly checker, Carol at the supermarket. Today's cultural fashions intermingle play with comfort and I see public displays of track suits, gym-wear, torn up jeans and even pajamas–all unsightly and geared for those without an aesthetic eye. Their mother's probably never told them once they step out their door– look presentable.


My style fits perfectly into the Parisian way of life; where a woman can be a canvas and what she has on reflects her mood, her outlook. Fashion is an art, and reveals our priorities, our aspirations, our liberalism or our conservatism. It goes a long way satisfying emotional or complex emotional needs and clothes can be used to gauge our conscious or unconscious feelings about our environment sending off messages. Character Miranda Priestly played by Meryl Streep in the Devil Wears Prada stings with a retort to her assistant, Andy played by Anne Hathaway after she snickers that fashion is inconsequential. Although Andy believes she is exempt from fashion, wearing a cerulean blue sweater she in fact is wearing a sweater that was selected for her by fashion-industry people that surround her. The effect of fashion filters down to everyone and the power of image plays into her as well as all of our lives.


Despite my love of fashion, I have never been a keeper. As a minimalist I turn my nose up to the trends and buy designer labels gladly recycling them to a consignment shop. Masses of clutter even fine clothes stuffed in a closet make me physically ill. And I will gladly take quality over quantity any day. I choose looks which are universally classic and anything that is effortlessly chic enjoying the neutral hue of gray mixed with beige, and for spring blend orange with pink and like the combination of black and white but only if white is on the bottom because the other way is a “waiter look”. I admire those whose style never dates or those who are/were unafraid of fashion and test its limits, such as Audrey Hepburn, Jane Birkin, Coco Chanel, Audrey Tautou, Victoria Beckham, and Jackie Kennedy...just to name a few.


In my love of fashion I have made two gigantic blunders that I laugh over now but at the time caused me to hyper-ventilate. Living in Germany I visited Portugal and walked into a lovely empty boutique. That should have been a sign! Eyeballing an all white handbag collection I was enthralled with a white leather shoulder strap drawstring bag piped in tan trim by Andre Courreges, inventor of the mini-skirt. I mentally converted Escudos into Marks but forgot to transfer it into Dollars to estimate the cost. I simply handed the sales clerk my Visa and weeks later my knees went weak when I realized my designer handbag was $280.00!


With a distinct admiration for French couture that autumn on a birthday trip to Paris, I was determined to buy myself a Cartier tank watch. Exasperated by the sum and the stubborn salesman that wouldn't negotiate instead I walked into Agnes B. and bought myself a few affordable separates. I popped into several other boutiques but nothing caught my eye until I was smitten with a black dress in a store window, inside I marveled at it, touching it, it's design concept created movement and dimension from a single piece of cloth, its linear and geometric shape came from the drape and flow of the fabric, it was truly an innovative piece of art and space-age inspired. All of these ideas played into my head as I tried it on, fitting like a glove out triggered, “I'll take it!” Getting caught in the fascination I neglected to do my math. My Issey Miyake dress cost a staggering $450.00.


Dressing up is great fun. We need to get back into it to create a difference between a sparkly occasion, and an ordinary day. By not applying this principle people are confused and no longer understand boundaries of what is appropriate to wear to a BBQ, a cocktail party, a funeral or a professional interview. Marked differences in attire be it the occasion, season or the hour as a guide will make you feel comfortable, denotes respect and makes a statement.


One last word for the fashion traveler- don't leave home without a calculator!

Stand and Deliver recognition

Today I read that Jaime Escalante, the High School mathematics teacher who inspired the film, Stand and Deliver, has died, he was 79. The article said, he virtually performed a miracle in a tough neighborhood. I disagree, he worked hard and persevered at his goal; inspiring students to succeed, against the odds. The only miracle was that he may have made it look easy.


The news took me back in time; to early summer 1988, at the Malibu home of Tom Musca, Producer of the film.


The occasion was the wrap party of Stand and Deliver. Because Jaime was Bolivian, the party included a number of distinguished guests from the Latinoamerican world. These were folks from various countries–drawing on Bolivia, Colombia, Spain, Mexico, and Venezuela–and who had, as a result, come to Hollywood for their own particular reasons.


It was a delightful evening. What was most striking to me was the ambiance, the energy that moved around the table, the balcony, in front of the fireplace. Put a collection of leading actors, writers, industry professionals, artists–practically anybody, really–together in the Malibu hills and what you frequently wind up with is a bunch of egos. The conversation will be subtly boastful, filled with witty put-downs and a kind of controlled or not-so-controlled narcissism that is so common in that we don't even notice it, sort of like the air we breathe. These Latinos, by contrast, were gracious, suave, and low-key. They joked a lot, reflected on art, film and literature, and obviously enjoyed each other's company. Their interactions were casual, but nevertheless poignant: inclusion of the outsider, recognition. I couldn't help thinking that whereas so much ritual interaction that Americans have include a tacit agenda or subtext of promoting oneself at the expense of others, the interaction among this group was about respecting each other, making everybody feel valued. It's a cliché, of course, but sometimes you can't see the given of your own culture until you are confronted with the otherness of another one. Dinner over, and with the party winding down, everyone shook hands and parted.


I walked out of the home and onto the narrow street. As some of the guests strolled by, I noticed their vulnerabilities. There was something very human about this; something real and then, a woman unexpectedly turned toward me and said, quite simply, "Buenas Noches."

May the road rise to meet you

I'm one of those people who has an aversion to cold weather-- and if I never see snow again in this lifetime I will be happy and grateful. It's why I didn't grab the opportunity to visit Russia, despite its fascinating history. After seeing the film Doctor Zhivago as a kid I still recall Omar Sharif struggling to retain himself from falling while shaking off his frozen eyelashes. But one place where I haven't been where the cold may not parallel Russia but is just as far north is Ireland, where I sense there is delight infused into the ordinary.


The first time I went to New York it was mid March. Approaching St. Patrick's Cathedral, it was early morning, I looked up, the towering church rawbone Gothic, with leaves blowing on its granite steps, I went inside where a mass was being held while the incense clouded the aisles and pricked my nose. The pew I sat in was next to a stained-glass window of a lamb. The priest who bowed and whirled and occasionally extended his arms in my direction announced the significance of the saints day, locally and back in the motherland. I had stumbled onto something fortuitously. Aye, the luck of the Irish! I heard whispers behind me about the parade, the oldest parade in the nation's history due to start an hour before noon that gave meaning to what may have been a shapeless day.


I love parades-- they are celebrations; with all the regalia and costume, marching bands and floats, and beautiful horses. I waited and stood behind the mark, arms crisscrossed to fight off the winter chilly morning, inches away from it all. So close was I, from the sound of the trotting horses and a booming mass of bagpipes. I was told on that day, everyone that partook in the parade, was Irish. This as I understood it, was rare that New Yorkers extend this air of grace, but I inhaled in the gesture.


Every single Irish society group and civic clan attended and there probably wasn't a bigger day for New Yorkers to party like the Irish and display the color green. As I watched the parade that was many hours long, I never did become Irish, but I did see some toss their jackets to the wind with their milk-skinned Irish arms, black hair mussed by the wind and faces reddening to the cheers and whose mouths split into smiles that was entertainment in itself.

Jah Man

In the summer of 1983, I found myself sorting through my music albums. Amid the stacks, I stumbled on some that I hadn't played for awhile but reached for a favorite; a double set packed in gold cardboard; it's artwork featured an unemployment benefit attendance card with a red stamp on it.


I was a loyal shopper of Aron's Records, a hip independent shop on La Brea Avenue in Los Angeles where I purchased the album with student loan monies the year prior. It was my first encounter with reggae music, the artist was an English band, UB40. Their “Signing Off” album was sooo cool- a loose groove, with a jazzy sax, a breezy instrumental, and was lyrically and politically charged with social consciousness. I began immersing myself in a Jamaican smorgasbord- a grip that had me frequent a dance club in Santa Monica with my then boyfriend and, influenced me to visit the country.


Back in those days, I went to Chatterton's bookstore on Vermont and thumbed through all the guidebooks taking meticulous notes. I read about Jamaica's unique character and inherent ‘African-ness’ of its population. Nowhere else in the Caribbean is the connection to Africa as keenly felt as in Jamaica. It promised a curious traveler, great aromatic coffee, world class reefs for diving, stretches of sugary sands of beaches, offbeat hiking tours, pristine waterfalls, wetlands harboring endangered crocodiles and unforgettable sunsets. In short, enough variety to comprise many utterly distinct vacations. Traveling alone and seeking an exotic beach scene. I'm happy- I was sold.


Hailing a cab from the airport, it didn't have air-conditioning and I couldn't roll down either window because they're broken. The exterior smell of urine mixed with ganja is a gagging stench, anyway. The driver, has one finger on the horn, the other firmly rooted up his nose. I'm optimistic- I'll look the other way.


Jamaica was a man's world. On the streets of Kingston, men were out on full force, strutting and swaggering, sneering with bravado. Encircling the cab, I was stared at by giggling idiots and silent stoned faces. It seemed many Jamaican men had urinary tract infections-- relieving themselves beside the road and up against buildings. I'm hopeful- it's plain as sight this will be one trip where I'll have to ignore quite a bit.


Alongside the road there were scrawny and sickly looking cows, who could pass for dalmatians, except they are humpbacked. I'm in denial- I guess I won't be drinking any milk.


Once out of the cab, I am embraced by the humidity, and Jamaica's slow pace lethargy is catching. I quickly get bite by mosquitoes walking in slow motion like a zombie with a blank eyed stare. I'm disgruntled- starting to sink.


I duck into the fly-infested hotel where I am ignored by humans. I ring the bell. I wait. I ring the bell again. And wait, and wait. I'm irritated- frustration begins to mount.


My throat dry as dust, I eyeball a bowl of passion fruit behind the counter, the hotel manager comes out with “Ma lady, du yuh need anyting?” Before I can respond he scratches his head and rubs his butt, and with the same hand passes me a fruit and says, “Welcome to Jamaica”.

One Bowl at a Time

What is it about favorite childhood foods? Somehow they live deep inside our minds and hearts. Foods we learn to eat as adults don't have the same kind of emotional hold on us, don't provide the same comfort. Perhaps this is because they are associated with that simpler time in our lives, those memories of being protected and taken care of, of diving headlong into life without worrying about consequences.

My mother was and still is glued to her kitchen. She spends most of her time in it, as if it's a safe haven. Maybe it's because she's a Taurus, the kitchen symbolizes home and hearth and is her focal point. Growing up I favored basic foods that she would transform into savory extraordinary meals; like her Sopa de Fideo (Mexican Noodle Soup). I would turn up my nose at anyone else's. To this day when I make it, it isn't as good as hers.

She would make it when the weather was chilly or overcast and I would be cuddled under a quilt curled with a book- the smell emanating from the steamy kitchen was irresistible. She served it as a starter in small bowls and as it cooled down the juices would give it a richer flavor. I wanted it as my main meal and would often ask for seconds and pass on the entree. I share it with you, as a cool weather treat.

1-7 oz package of La Moderna Fideo broken into pieces (optional)
2 tablespoons olive oil
1- 8 oz. can tomato sauce
1 sm- fresh grated tomato
2- 14 oz cartons of chicken broth
1 large onion, chopped

freshly ground black pepper
coarse sea salt

In a large skillet heat olive oil and add fideo noodles. Cook over medium low heat, stirring regularly, until all noodles are golden brown and toasty.

Combine tomato sauce and fresh tomato, chicken broth to the noodles. Add onion and season with pepper and salt. Bring to a boil then reduce to medium heat (gentle boil) until noodles are almost tender, about 8 minutes. Simmer another 2 minutes until noodles are done.

Leftover Fideo is even better-since the flavors blend more.

*Measurements are presumed.

Buen Provecho!

Scents rise from Childhood

There was a grove of tall green pines and magnolias that lined the streets of Savannah, the waft inside the sightseeing bus made me experience a form of time travel; the trees smelled like those I inhaled on the way to school that I attended from ages six to nine, and for a moment I was transported to Montebello, California sitting in a yellow school bus riding south on Concourse Avenue and then north onto Maple Street.


The trees brought back a lot of things I'd forgotten, among them the particular kind of musty warmth that radiated in spring in between the canopy of trees when the sun was shining and I was daydreaming. I thought about odors and the deep sensory links with certain smells going down to the core of memory; encountering them again can set off reverberations.


I closed my eyes and like a priestess in a trance images floated before my third eye. The most enduring and evocative smell from those years was the smell of the tempera paint that was used during Art. At Washington Elementary, in the first grade, egg tempera was the first paint I ever used, as an earth-smelling scent it generated a concentrated essence of sulfur. Along with its odor I recall school shoes, wooden desks, polished floors, and institutional gravity. The hallway outside my classroom had a powerful smell- and that smell was even stronger in other parts of the building, especially the auditorium.


During those years I brown-bagged my lunch and given the choice between eating inside or out on the benches, I favored the outdoors. The warm vapors from either my tuna-fish, bologna or peanut butter sandwich emitted something that made me convulse coming close to nausea. So in the trash it went! I survived on an apple and milk. To this day I prefer a hot lunch and dislike mayonnaise and sandwiches. When my mother discovered what I was doing, no doubt instigated by my brother's tongue, and in part by my ravenous appetite when I got home, I would start buying my lunch. Standing in the cafeteria line I could sniff fresh baked bread mixed with various cooking odors and happily ate my institutional lunch in its entirety.


In those days, almost everyone's house smelled like cigarettes, since everyone's parents smoked. Mine did not, but during parties at our house, a cloud like an inversion layer would fill the living room and the next morning when Alfred and I would pour ourselves bowls of cereal and wait for cartoons to come on, there would be overflowing ashtrays everywhere. Once while Alfred and I, in pajamas lurking in the hallway at one of our parents parties looked across our smoked filled living room and watched how adults changed once inebriated. Mixed drinks emanated a unique bitter sort of smell.


My best friend Susie, lived down the street on the corner. When we played at her house, either Dollhouses or Candyland, her mother would bake us snickerdoodles, the rich sugar-cinnamon cookies baking in the oven, smelled like heaven on earth.


When I was a youngster, kids walked, rode their bikes, rollerskated or skateboarded and went places on their own. I loved the independence. One favorite place to go was the Garmar, the local movie theater for a Saturday matinee. My brother and I would head out on bikes for the afternoon. The minute we rammed through the doors of the pastel lobby the scent of fresh popcorn permeated the air. Possessing a sweet tooth, I was so overcome by the buttery, salty scent, that I'd forgo milk duds or a fifty-fifty bar in lieu of a small popcorn coupled with a soda.


The summers meant a trip to the plunge, the public pool that offered a great aquatics program and when I was seven years old, my mother enrolled me in swim lessons. On the first day she stayed behind at home and instructed my brother to lead me. Inside a locker full of girls I didn't know, I changed into my swimsuit and remember the gray cement stools we sat on. At the poolside, I stared at expansiveness of the pool and the cinder-block wall in the distance. The morning sky was blue. The boys came out of their locker room and I couldn't fathom how one teacher, would be able to teach so many of us. As a warm-up we stepped into the pool and performed calisthenics, when I got out the dominant scent of chlorine lingered in my nostrils. Then it was time to jump, one at a time. Being one off the tallest, I was second. I panicked and called for my brother who was swimming on the other side of the divider, “I'm going straight to the bottom” I yelled out. “No you won't! You'll float, I'll catch you,” he protectively called back. Being eleven months older than I, and not much larger, his scrawny frame did not evoke much confidence. I ran straight to the locker room, gathered my things, and in my wet suit, jumped on my bike and pedaled as fast as I could. My maternal Grandmother who was visiting us at the time, took pity on me when she saw me burrow my misery into my pillow. Each time I came up I whiffed the chlorine all over again. My mother who was angry at my cowardice and her financial loss after awhile dropped the issue. It was twenty years before I learned how to swim.


A few years ago, around the Holidays I saw a bottle of Old Spice in a drugstore. I've always loved drugstores and the things you stumble on, they remind me of the wonderful five-and-ten cent stores of the past. The Ivory container had changed, and the sailboats were gone but it imparted a hum of remembrance of my Father. I opened it and sniffed- it was him all over again; the smell of him driving me to school, of him bending over to pick me up, of kissing me goodnight, and of him sitting in the den, in his easy chair hands outstretched as I handed him his after dinner coffee. If one had known that these scents would cease to be used, or exist, and with the accelerating passage of time, one could have stopped to have savored a little more, and contemplate these moments that make up a life. Or maybe such smells never die and conceivably someday, somewhere, they will come back as a passing breeze of childhood.

As Above, So Below

Everyday as I watch television, more and more Haitians are being found- under rubble and debris. Last week when I heard that Haiti was hit by a massive earthquake, I couldn’t believe one of the poorest countries that has undergone political upheaval, a health crisis, still fragile from last years quake would suffer another blow. Time and again when I observe how lives have been shattered all I can do is try to make sense of it all.

It's easy to search for answers when removed. But the affliction of humankind is everyone's concern. I ponder could this be karma – the cycle of birth and death that leads to perfection. But karma seems like a harsh judgment call- why would so many souls that choose to live in a poor country have to endure the hardship of a natural disaster? Or is this disaster the result of a group who committed a past sin and had to face consequences of cleansing together?

King Solomon says in The Book of Ecclesiastes, "there is a time for every purpose under Heaven". What he is saying - is to be prepared - humanity's actions will go in cycles. There will be times of goodness and prosperity, and times of selfishness and poverty. So, due to mankind's decisions, we can expect the best and the worst.

I think of my Kabalistic teachings where I learned God is not responsible for mans inhumanity to man. Humankind is solely responsible for determining its own destiny. There is no anthropomorphic God who looks down upon the earth and makes day-to-day decisions. We have been given the gift of wisdom, and it's up to us, if we choose to use it or not.

In the story of the Prophet Elijah there's a turning point concerning God's involvement with humanity. After Elijah establishes the one true God, he travels to Mt. Horeb seeking God's approval. But, God is not impressed by Elijah, and asks him why he has come. Then, God creates a whirlwind, an earthquake and a fire - but, God is not within any of these phenomenon. So, Elijah does not receive any accolades or favors from God as he expected. He is certainly not recognized as the leader he wanted to be. The only phenomenon Elijah does experience is "a still, small voice". In my opinion, this is telling us: don't look to God for approval or explanations - instead, listen to that still, pure voice within yourself. This is where you'll find your answers.

It's our mission to follow that inner voice- the one that speaks to us from our soul. By treating our fellow man as we would want to be treated; expressing love and compassion in all aspects of life we choose life over death and grow in our service to humanity.

Farewell to Decade Double Zero

"Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens" JRR Tolkien

With the December madness behind me, in the second hour of the new year, after Steven and I return from a party in the upper middle class city of La Canada amid singers and artists, my head is reeling in impressions from 2009. So what did the year bring me? Or better yet what did I gain as a result from it? Being a heady type most of my fun revolves around learning. Being creative most of my stimulating moments involve the arts. Since my life mission has nurtured a soul of depth most of my memories include a spiritual insight. But I am also an austere worrier, you could even say I've perfected worry into a skill, something I inherited from my mother. To counterbalance this trait I've made myself think of my most pleasurable highlights of 2009.

In January, I learned the value of exercise claiming the Gym as my second home. Although I've always been a walker and lover of yoga, neither of them are rigorous enough for me and I rediscovered something in me that was dormant; running. Running on the treadmill heart pumped calms my nerves into a purr. Zumba dancing, drains me of toxins and frustrations and makes me laugh like a child. I also met Anil and Madhu- a loving Indian couple that welcome me into their home, all the while, I have a feeling Madhu will become an ally. They are in fact Delhi-bred Brahmins of the highest class, that even their dog is a vegetarian.

In February, in my quest to be a virtuoso storyteller, I headed for the San Francisco Writer's Conference, weaving an account of my own life story- material from what I have experienced. And while I learned that the commercial world of book publishing is shifting sands, not taking chances on the new and eclectic and sticking to the tried and true, I managed to meet people like me – a literary caste who seek to express and be creatively driven.

In May, like many other writers preoccupied with the peculiarities of the world, I began a blog. I have written about my travels, not only to places far away but also to those closer to home, if not, indeed, about my own home. In contrast to too many other travel writers, I have also focused upon what I knew very well, less because I researched it, as a journalist might, but because I experienced it, often for a considerable length of time.

In August, returning to California and driving from the north of Carmel to the south of San Diego, I developed an unusual love of my own hometown. Unusual, because I have seen the world, but now I find Los Angeles interesting and fascinating. My absences and departures have been good for me.

In September, I discovered that I could discuss books and stories in my sleep, but only with students who were interested, luckily I encountered the sincerity of those who applied themselves and were willing to learn.

In November, I reminded myself that people, even those who knew me the longest, are fallible, just as I am, and that I cannot always hold them to the high standard I hold for myself.

In December, I kept plugging away at my goals and felt strangely peaceful, finding beauty in small things. Although I don't verbally share many of my goals and accomplishments, I keep building on them, constantly giving myself challenges –they reside in me quietly with an inner joy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3sXVxqDbFk

You can starve a body, but you can't starve a mind

As the year winds down I go through my book shelves and make two piles; books that I’ve bought, read and won’t read again that I will give away, and those to sell to a used bookstore. My intention is to make room for more books.

At one point in my life I'd walk through a bookstore and marvel at all the knowledge sitting there, feeling deflated as if I had wasted my life, I vowed to read two books per month. I kept this tradition alive until four years ago in the silence of the Desert, I subscribed to cable television and became a History channel junkie. Having been a listener of NPR for over two decades I now listen to NPR while I cook and clean my kitchen and schedule my tasks according to the BBC World Service and Terri Gross' Fresh Air.

Although I don't believe I'm a media enthusiast, my life has a mix of books, television, films, radio, and some selective news.

Until now- a month short of 2010.

Come the new year I plan to go back to my original goal.

Why? Because I'm convinced not enough people read and when a student admitted this to me, I felt a scream arising from the depth of my lungs. Disappointed, I ask, “Why not”. “Not enough time” he says. I sigh, with a stern expression and a tone that bids beware, “I will tell you one thing, you can't write unless you read. You must listen, take notes and you'll have to work very hard. You are in this class for a good reason. If you don't pick up a book you will dance with death. Books will make you come alive, as guides they will show you the way to your inner world and you will be reborn. Only then will you be able to write”.

He staggers back to his seat and I have a surging flash of panic- is the future of our country in the hands of illiterates?

As I hear myself mentally ranting I begin to hate myself for criticizing- for being so middle class, so comfortable and pampered that I am so shell-shocked. After fighting this war, I become resuscitated by understanding that I can do more by setting an example, books are buoyant with a love of life, like cascading diamonds that gleam waiting to introduce a reader to a hidden treasure.

I love the hunt for fabulous fiction and enjoy going to a bookstore without an agenda in a daze like Alice in Wonderland, I leave myself open and fuzzy to the thrill of discovery, almost shaking from excitement. As an independent shopper if a sales clerk wheels by to offer anything, I'm annoyed from the intrusion. This year my reading titles included:

1.Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman a collection of short stories by Haruki Murakami.
2.My Antonia by Willa Cather
3.Suite Francaise by Irene Nemirovsky
4.Malinche by Laura Esquivel
5.Sister of my Heart by Chitra Divakaruni
6.Queen of my Dreams by Chitra Divakaruni
7.The Young Wan by Brendan O' Carroll
8.The Coldest winter: A stringer liberated in Europe by Paula Fox
9.El tren pasa primero by Elena Poniatwokski
10.Art by Laney Salibury and Aly Sujo
11.The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls
12.The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
13.Seize the Day by Saul Bellow
14.The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon.

I read more fiction than non-fiction, more written by women than men and from writers spanning the globe. This year only one was in Spanish.

Reading is a privilege and a solitary pursuit, a journey unknown. Books hold an uncertainty principle that applies to all areas of thought, life, longing, and faith. It all depends on how comfortable you are with uncertainty, how fond you are of mystery, how willing you are to take the quantum leap of faith that a book requires.

The Life and Times of Las Vegas

Writing about settings from where you are currently living is that you can narrate the experiences firsthand. It can make writing more authentic since the writer is in both a place and time warp, transposing experiences that make the audience understand because human experience is universal. I impart this theory to my students, and although they may want to delve into the surreal, I advocate for starters to write what they know. Teaching is something I enjoy greatly, but apart from that, I learn so much from the process of teaching, of grappling with so many writing issues every week.The biggest perk is the infectious quality that I see in my students that have the fever of the emerging artist, and the desire to succeed against the sobering odds of the publishing landscape.

Not everyone has glowing memories of growing up in the Desert. Although many may appreciate Las Vegas now, a few wanted out back when. People were embarrassed by their working class parents. Some had complicated childhoods. Many had been poor. Having the Strip as an immediate detail was not insignificant- it made for aggrandizement, where the values of Sin City made many uncomfortable. The fascination with money and what it could buy was particularly apparent to those who didn't have much. The loan sharks, the high rollers, the clubs with the naked girls, with all their plumes and sequined costumes was a reminder for those who couldn't get enough of homes, jewelry, furs, and cars.

Las Vegas then as now symbolized American consumerism and excess, a coarse ugliness of mainstream American culture. There was no nature just bulldozing. It usurped Reno's place as the nation's capital for marriage. But it also became a place where up and coming entertainers – comedians, singers, musicians, – were scouted.

Later, when the high local color was fading, flattening, as the number of hotel rooms ballooned and the competition for tourist dollars became more fierce, individual hotels swallowed up many of the service and entertainment functions that had made the city lively.

Walking pass City Center, I overhear one woman say about another to her companion, “Getta loada that bling”. She doesn't recognize diamonds from Cubic Zirconia's. Hotels are in trouble, unemployment is over 13% and the reckless overbuilding, and over-financing of the national economic crisis hit hard made by massive speculation. No city has a larger concentration of home foreclosures.

In most American cities, “new” means “improved” but in Las Vegas, “old” means last year's hotel and old people, preservation is a concept that seems like nothing but a liability.

The city has a history of espousing poor judgment, and there hasn't been sufficient attention to the fundamentals. Yet it remains a populuxe playground where tourists flock and neon enjoy a spectacular life. As the day fades into sunset, the Strip gleams in pink, lavender and azure blue. At a distance, the neon lights shining between the dark silhouettes of the palms soften into a romantic sway. Like many of its attributes, it is an artificial sunset, but still a gorgeous one.

Parting is such sweet sorrow

Of all the things I learned on my European pilgrimage, the lesson that makes the most amount of sense to me is that concerning the redeeming power of love. I didn’t know it at the time but I realize the importance of it now, finding love in Europe among the Germans. Before I set out on my adventure I read the poetry of Rainer Maria Rilke that talks of love and longing beautifully and metaphorically illustrated as a rose representing the awakening of the senses – it’s color, it’s scent and it’s fragility.


After posting my last blog, regarding the East- West conflict among brothers, I got an overwhelming response from my friends in Berlin, asking if I plan on returning which put me in a trance recalling the last few days prior to my departure.


When it was time to leave and let the tide of a million lives ebb and flow, Scotsman and fellow actor Paul who refused to call me by my birth name and instead called me Martina, gave me a sci-fi book inscribed it in were loving words to remember.


American opera singer, David originally from Pasadena, gave a sad moan when I told him the news but gave me a blank book to record my thoughts, which I quickly filled with pages of memories.


Elderly neighbor and native Berliner, Frau Bose gave me a cup bearing the city’s mascot- a Bear, as a keepsake of the city I once called home.


Linguist Karen from Washington D. C., cooked me dinner and tried to touch my face when I stopped her, she fell into my arms weeping.


Former German actress turned psychologist Renata came over, took photos, bite her bottom lip and said over and over, “I will miss you”.


Casting director, Benson, from West Hollywood, loyally stoic, helped me pack.


Bostonian Scott, a psychologist, stopped by and proudly announced that he was the architect of my open feelings, and although there was still a road ahead, he then held me close for five minutes while we both sobbed softly. I ran to the window to see him drive until he was a speck in the horizon.


Frenchmen and linguist Paul, gave me a tape of French melodies and made me promise to take better care of my health.


At the airport terminal, East Indian and visual artist Zari smiled when she handed me my gift- a lovely purple and white scarf that she silk screened, her face fell when I said my last goodbye.


Werner hide his distress and I could not talk, there were no words in me, “ I don’t know how to... or how can I …” is all I could utter and, I left a large wet patch of tears on his chest.


Over the last two years, I imagined bounding through the airport doors ecstatic and excited to escape the country, but my legs were heavy and reluctant. The stewardess shook my hand as I’m was about to board the plane, “Good-bye, will you be coming back to Germany?” I wobbled my head in a way to say: yes, no, maybe.


I took my seat, older, wiser, and more cosmopolitan than when I arrived. I felt my soul swell at the sight of leaving the land and the words of Rilke came to mind: “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, along some distant day into the answer”.

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me

In a few days it will have been twenty years since the Berlin Wall's collapse. Who would have ever thought that it would go without a raucous, or a single shot being fired, paving the way to reunification, a quiet end to the Cold War.


In 1991, I stood at Checkpoint Charlie, one of the main arteries for crossing between the two halves of Berlin, the place where American and Soviet tanks had a stand off almost barrel to barrel.


Having seen the East six years prior, it was fascinating to watch the drastic change and activity- double decker buses loaded with tourists, bicyclists, Audi's and Trabbis whizzed by while merchants, many of them foreigners sold souvenirs of the German flag and remnants of the wall, splattered with graffiti, a symbol of the division that once was - the East and the West.


For me, I knew I was living through history with the sudden implosion of the Communist regime but despite the peace with the Exodus came social problems in lifestyle, wealth, political beliefs and other matters that caused a division between brothers. It seemed everywhere I turned the topic of conversation were tales of morose, pervaded by adult nostalgia, or freighted with spiritual disenchantment's.


The Westerners who extended their hand in a humanitarian gesture and valued freedom expected that reunification would come with a price- and they bickered, rightly so, they were already heavily taxed and even higher taxes were placed on them to compensate for additional subsidies. And it would be a while, perhaps even a generation before the Easterners could adapt to a new way of living.


Based on my personal experiences, I witnessed Easterners with a different work ethic. Striving for accolades and incentives were unknown, what they valued was equality. With competition they would retreat into a fantasy world where they yearned for the past- the life they once knew. Despite the fact that suicide rates were high, in the former German Democratic Republic (GDR), they knew what to expect, and there was a comfort zone.


The profound rift between the brothers made me think of Cain and Abel, born to the same parents yet split in their desires. After Cain kills Abel out of envy he is forever cursed with alienation. The distinctive note of his act is that alienation is largely a matter of cultural circumstance.


Author Günter Grass called the division of Germany a "punishment for Auschwitz" but I'd also add that no country ever had to live with so much dishonor. No country disappeared in such an orderly fashion as East Germany, but no divided country ever had such a hard time finding its identity. Lets' hope these feuding brothers find their way back to each other and form a family where wealth is there for everybody. But they will each have to work to earn it.

Monday, Monday

The story begins with a classic homespun adventure- I go to be with the person who gave me life on my birthday. Back home, we are in “Crown of the Valley” the language of the Chippewas, an Indian tribe that never set foot in the area, the land on which the city was built occupied originally by the Gabrielino Indians and then by the Spanish and the Mexicans who built adobes. As in most of Los Angeles County, the greatest amount of fine architecture is domestic, but the city of Pasadena is ahead of most of her neighbors in public architecture. Still it's where I was born in the Lower Arroyo Seco section favored by bicyclists, joggers and people who like to stroll because they have something to experience-lovely scenery and well-kept gardens. And there is the ostentatious simplicity of the Arts and Crafts movement. Craftsman style homes, bungalows that are brown and woodsy, many remain in pristine condition that were once and still are attractive to people of moderate means and often of intellectual and artistic pretension.

Inside a Mexican restaurant there are two strolling mariachis, one strumming his guitar the other shaking his maracas. The minstrels serenade listeners with buoyant Mexican folk songs. It is indeed another perfect autumn morning. The sun shining softly in a high blue sky dotted here and there with ragged wisps of cloud. The air clean and fresh, the birds are singing, and the hours spooled before us. We were poised at another stretch of time in which anything can happen. The musicians join us and sing “Las Mañanitas” the traditional Mexican birthday and Mother's Day song, often used to wake the guest of honor early in the morning as the lyrics are about waking up and celebrating the day you were born. My mother bursts into tears. I, unable to keep dry-eyed at another's tears and having shed tears of many varieties, follow.

I think about the lineage that brought us together, and about my Grandmother. How as a child, there seemed to be so much time, as she pointed out, that I wished my life away. In my heart, I knew there was more to a day than how many things I played with, but also, in my heart I didn't know what that something was.

Now that I am older, there never seems to be enough of it, provoked by a growing awareness of my own mortality. I remember her often, more so in October, two weeks before my birthday would have been hers, and the more things speed up, the more I try to track it. I suspect it comes from believing if only I control time, I will keep it. Ironically, the opposite is true.

Past, present, future. Yesterday, today, tomorrow. Paradoxically, the more I think about time, the less I can make sense of it. It eludes me. The same thing can be said about dreams, words, and love. All I know for certain is that the time my Grandmother was with me, I was living both inside and outside of time and beyond it. And this time that I have with my mother will be the same, she has always been and ever will be with me. As a daughter and as a woman, I am predisposed to eternity.

Home to America's Camelot

In 1773, the British Parliament, imposed a tea tax, on the young colony of America, partly as a way to exert control and in a contest of rebellion, in Boston, the indignant colonists disguised themselves as Native Americans and threw the tea into the harbor. The crisis escalated and initiated the American Revolution.

I was in the fourth grade and we were having social studies in suburban Los Angeles when I first became aware of Boston. Walking home from school, I chanted the mantra, “One if by land and two if by sea”. The timing coincided with my brother and I having started a hobby together; a coin collection, so my interest in the historical, financial and geographical realms of Americana was coming full spectrum.

A friend's Bostonian born mother still subscribed to the Boston Globe and at their house I'd pore over the “Lifestyle” section, which included gardening, as rapt as an archaeologist sitting in a cave. The details of what I read have been blurred but I do remember snippets of the images and the sensation I felt while I read; a combined anticipation and nostalgia so keen it bordered on longing. Although I had never been there, I was homesick for the land of the founding fathers.

Decades later, living in beguiling New York as a tonic to break free from the grime, and to end 1994, I forged a trip along with a friend to Boston to understand and appreciate the impulse that draws visitors there.

Disembarking the train, at South Station, we hailed a cab, once inside peering out the window I had a special moment, a thought of recognition, and of San Diego, and drew parallels from one small city to another, where a litany of urban social problems still exist- but would be manageable, and I as a curious cat I would find out what the fuss was all about.

Passing the first glimpse of a landmark, the Boston Public Library, I remember the grand Beaux Arts style of libraries in Europe, but the Boston Library with its massive exterior and pink granite indicated there was more to explore and I was smitten in an instant. In the haze of a late afternoon, I saw lofty skyscrapers and the John Hancock tower splendid in its arrogance and power.

Because my friend believed in excess; as a limousine crawled lazily to take us-- it's pampered passengers to a luxe destination, it rolled past a threadbare homeless person sitting cross-legged on the sidewalk seeking the warmth that steams from the city's underbelly. He caught my miss nothing stare, “It's a subway grate condominium” he called out. It was a ludicrous cartoon and a sobering documentary, combined.

The next morning while at Faneuil Hall, abustle with tourists, I couldn't help but think-- it's no wonder the Kennedy's' were drawn to politics! History is everywhere. A security guard stood in the corner. I recalled having been at the Metropolitan Opera at Lincoln Center, two months before, as a birthday present I splurged and went to a performance, Turandot by Puccini. Alone, I took in the magnificence of the chandeliers, the marble, the rich interiors. While at intermission, I went up to the gum-cracking guard “Excuse me, sir, this is my first time inside the Met, would you happen to know who designed it?” He sneered, his body stiff from city armor, “Who da hell wants to know? Why ax me? “ He turned to another guard and stated, “How bout them Yankees, Mac?” His stereotypical rudeness rerouted me back to my seat reminding me it's slippery to ask a New Yorker a question.

Having left the Hotel that morning without my guidebook, I start to pace the Hall looking for literature, a pamphlet, anything to get my hands on. The security guard breaks a smile and says in a pleasing voice, “May I help you with something?”. When I tell him what I'm searching for, he asks me where I'm from. “This is the Cradle of Liberty, Miss” and goes into the history of the building concluding with his recommendations on what to see in the city including directions and where to go for chowdah. All of which are precise.

At Trinity Church later that afternoon, there's a concert, with a high-level choir and Renaissance music complete with an education of string instruments, primarily from 16th century Italy. That entire week is devoted to the sounds of the Holidays at no cost, as part of the rich musical landscape of Boston.

Staying in Copley Square everything is arm's reach. A visit to the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum includes three floors of galleries filled with paintings, sculpture, tapestries, furniture, and decorative arts from cultures spanning thirty centuries. But it's the garden courtyard that blooms with life in this cold season that takes my breath away, I can only gaze in wonder and recall my love of flowers from the days of my childhood. Now, I experience much the same thing.

After the museum we're off to Freedom Trail and a stop at Newbury Street to buy myself a new hat. I choose a black velvet toque commemorating the last day of the year. Then I hear of the birth of my first nephew, that I have long awaited. I swing my hat up into the air, impromptu and buoyant from the maddening thrill that is beyond parallel.