Seven Deadly Sins

We writers are a twitchy lot, and when we are away from our computers and into the society of people who are bemused, intrigued and largely ignorant about we do, we get asked a lot of questions. So in the interest of keeping harmony, I’m going to offer some suggestions of statements to avoid when speaking to a writer along with their passing thoughts.

1. What do you write?

“I wrote for periodicals but now it’s primarily articles, web and online content. I also write fiction.”

This is where they stare at me dumbfounded completely lost for words and end up more confused about what I do than when I first started talking.

2. What are you working on?

I don’t want to talk about it. I think my new manuscript is good, and if or when I decide to speak (which is not my style until it is finished) and give you a brief summary, you’re likely to say: That’s interesting. Then I’ll spend a week wondering why you said interesting instead of great. Should I start over?

3. When is your book coming out?

I don’t know. If I knew, I’d say so, right up front. I’d walk right up to you and hand you bookmarks and buttons and talk all about it. I wouldn’t be trying to keep it a secret. So if I don’t say anything, it means there’s nothing to say.

4. I was just reading this really bad book and thought of you. You don’t write any worse than she does. Why don’t you have a series?

I need to get out of here!  

5. Would you read my manuscript?

Have you ever heard time is money? Listen up, get your wallet out!  You wouldn’t ask a doctor to give you a free medical procedure, would you? Aside from the fact that it would take me about ten hours, which I don’t have, if I read your manuscript I would feel like I should come up with constructive advice, in order to be helpful. Every time I give someone constructive advice, they wind up giving me infinite explanations (as if I didn’t know what they meant) or getting hurt and never talk to me again. This doesn’t happen in the classes I teach, so all I can figure is that people who expect you to do something for nothing have different expectations than people who are serious and are willing to pay to study the craft of writing.

6. Have you considered self-publishing?

Everyone considers self-publishing because it’s all over the place. People who self-publish pay a large chunk of money in order to produce a book that very few people will read. I would rather be paid for that honor.

7. Is your book something I would know?

How the heck do I know what you read? I’ve never had an interest in what everyone reads or what Oprah endorses.  My mind doesn’t work that way. 

So what should you say to a writer in a social situation? I would stick with the tried and true: politics and religion.